Citeh

My love of the city of Manchester does not come from its two football clubs, that’s for sure. I adore the city and it’s metropolitan area due to the incredible amount of great bands it has produced, that helped soundtrack my life. I still find it hard to loathe the blue team, hating the red team is very easy indeed.

Even with their new money ways, Citeh will not, for now anyway, be in my football room 101. It’s not like I have any mad admiration of any of their past greats (Franny Lee, they still bang on about him, the best thing he ever did was get in that on field fight and punch like a drunken granny at a wedding gone wrong). It’s probably because they are from that great town, and until now, they have been no threat to my beloved Gooners. They were in fact, for so, so many years a great big pile of steaming shit.

So that’s it, it’s my southern patronising ways of patting little Citeh on the back(“Fook off we’re a big fookin’ club we are, we were just a sleeping giant in them years pal”). Not exactly a sleeping giant more like an oversized chap in a coma.

These days, Citeh are indeed a force to be reckoned with, lordy. with all that cash they have bought some fantastic players, and it is sensible to recognise that is what they have done, they haven’t pulled off  miracles by any means to create this fantastic footballing machine, they have done, what used to be referred to as a Blackburn, but is now known as a Chelsea.

I would never put Citeh in the same bracket as C***sea though, it’s the people that support them that stop any chance of that happening. Mancs are amazing, no doubt about it, yes they think that Manchester is the centre of the universe, but wouldn’t you like to be as proud of where you come from as they are. It’s like they have this strange and very rare socialist patriotism that only certain parts of the country have. Unlike a lot of the south, where exclusivity and boasting is the order of the day, in Manchester, apart from the new-flash-as-fuck-rubbish bit, there is still boasting in the air, but it’s not about what you drive, how much cash you have and the like, it’s more about how skint you were as a kid and how that has made you appreciate everything now. A little like the Four Yorkshiremen from Monty Python. I remember sitting in a boozer the first time I went to Manchester to see the band Northside and this group of blokes were basically chatting about three things. Yes, they were talking about music and current affairs, but it always came down to three core points in the end and that was, how skint they were when they were kids, how good their mum’s cooking was (pronounced mam’s, which is just fucking weird) and who they’ve fucked over! I thought that was great, I immediately looked into a University place, luickily I didn’t get in, I would have come home for Christmas and robbed me folks for smack money.

There were moments when I was pretty poor as a kid, but not as poor as I am now, that’s for sure. I’m a reverse Mancunian, it seems. I’m proper skint all the time these days, and I appreciate what I had as a kid! There was one time though, when my Dad wouldn’t buy me Jabba the Hutt, so when I was playing with my Star Wars figures, I used to wait for our overweight and stinky spaniel called Rollo to take a shit, if it was a thick and curly log, I was well in! That’s poor, on so many levels, surely?

Right, the football… Well I didn’t give us much of a chance against the Manc cunts this time round and was kind of hoping that the Commonwealth stadium (or whatever the northern monkeys are calling it this week) was situated on an unknown fault line and all their players, staff and fans would die a horrible death and we would be gifted the result. Look at me, changed my fuckin’ tune now aint I?!

Well we played very well. Wilshire shut up  a lot of critics, me included, our new (Manc) striker almost scored a wonder goal (how many time will that be written this season) and Sanchez scrored a blinder. In fact Sanchez, is already starting to look like a huge signing for us. What is worrying me though is Ozil not only his form but also how his body language is screaming sulky bastard since the arrival of Sanchez. The fan’s appreciation of the Chilean seem to make Ozil act like the ex-boyfriend of  the village bike when a new alcoholic, night shift factory worker moves into the manor and starts porking the spoils.

The game lived up to its billing, a full-on, fight to the death. It was as good a match as I will see this season, I’m sure. Lampard turning out for Citeh was weirder than seeing Welbeck in a nicer shade of red than he is used to wearing. Lampard trotted about, not doing much at all, which was fine by me.

Against the run of play Aguero scored a goal that looked very simple, but was actually very well taken, from a great ball from Navas. What players they are, I’d love them at the Arsenal. Notice I didn’t write the word take in that sentence.

Silva should have scored a second for Citeh, but Wilshire and Ramsey worked the ball well together and Jack lifted the ball past Hart, who maybe should have stayed on his feet for a little longer. Hart is already looking shaky and I wonder how long it will be before he is out the Eastlands door.

Wilshire was involved in the next goal too, he headed the ball over to Sanchez, who in turn volleyed it into the net. Wollop! It ended 2-2, Demichelis, of all donkeys, equalised with a header. Oh well, I can’t moan too much about that, well I can. Flamini, was on the goal line and should have done better. Oh and he was booked, yet again.

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He’s signed a f**king striker!

Arsene Wenger showed me, that’s for sure. There he was on a jolly with the Catholic church and refereeing a charity football match in Rome and I thought, charity that’s nice, Arsene, but on transfer deadline day? Are you mental mate?

Turns out that Arsene, like the fairer sex can do more than one thing at any one time. Among all the last day dealings, the lad seems to have pulled one right off, so to speak. Danny Welbeck, is not a player that has scored a lot of goals, which means he will fit right in with our striker philosophy at the Arsenal, but he is undoubtedly a very talented player, who has bags of experience playing at the top level. Man United let him go for under twenty million quid, because for some reason they now only buy second rate galacticos, and fair play to them, some bunch of mugs have to pay 350 grand a week to a injury prone player, old Danny was not in Luis Van Gaal’s thoughts. Good, the delusions of grandeur tosser does not deserve him. 

It will be good to see him play with a decent team who will give him a run of games. I mean if Sanogo can start at Arsenal, Welbeck is a shoe in and no mistake. What if, Danny is the answer? That would be right tasty. Like a McDonald’s Big Tasty, which when you bite into, miraculously doesn’t taste like you are giving a sewage pipe a blow job.

“Sign a Fu**ing Striker”.

Leicester City, the mighty foxes… 

Although we had the majority of the game, as in, in the meaningless way, by percentages of possession, we never looked like we would or could win this match.

Arsenal started with Yaya Sanogo up front, again. I don’t know why and neither does any other Arsenal supporter. It’s quite obvious to the masses that Sanogo is not a great  striker, he is in fact, at the moment anyway, a donkey. His first touch is poor, control in general is a calamity and his shots, when on target are always aimed at the keeper’s torso. It beggars belief that Wenger still picks him and doesn’t go into the transfer market for another forward. With Giroud out until the new year, we have never needed another a goalscorer like we have now. Wenger’s joke of an attitude to spending money is beginning to get on everyone’s tits. I understand the whole wankstained philosophy that he spends the club’s money like he spends his own, but isn’t he just stupid to work like that? Like it or lump it, this is the business end of the most corporate and globalised sport on earth. To win, unfortunately you need to buy top players. So for f**k’s sake buy a striker! 

I am still massively infuriated by seeing Mandzukic at Atletico Madrid and now Falcao has just signed on a season long loan from Monaco to Man United, another laugh at our expense! Rooney, Van Persie and Falcao up front for a team that didn’t qualify for the Champions League. If we ever had a chance to get one over such an obvious rival, it was when they were in the doldrums, but what do we do, sit back and let them take one of the best finishers in the world because, after all, we have Sanogo, who has still not scored a goal for Arsenal club in a competitive match.

Remy, we sat back after making the same bid as Chelsea, what the f**k nuts do Arsenal reps expect? Oh he signed for Chelsea, for more wages? Really? Well f**k me sideways.

Cavani at PSG. I would throw the entire shit reserve team plus the useless as all f**k forwards of the first team, yellow card collector Flamini, Thomas (watch me screw up another Arsenal break by holding onto the ball too long) Rosicky plus 40 million to land him. We have nobody capable of what he can do. Giroud when fit is half the striker Cavani is. He is supposedly unhappy at PSG, please Wenger do something.

Central midfielder needed… What happened this week to a midfielder who Wenger has tried to sign previously and who the manager clearly admired? He moved on a free from Real Madrid to Bayern Munich, Arsenal didn’t even try to get Xabi Alonso. 

Wenger bemoaons the fact that signing players doesn’t win trophies. That, Arsene, is exactly what it does. It is unfortunate that football has become the monster that ate itself, but the fact of the matter is, it has, so what do we fans do, give up supporting our beloved club and just politely applaud when we don’t make a decent signing in three areas where we a desperate, central defence, centre mid and striker, but are told that club is in rude health financially and your season ticket is one of the most expensive in the world. F**k off!

The FA cup win was wonderful but it has helped paper over cracks that the game against Leicester just exposed again; toothless failings in front of goal. The only reason Sanchez scored the first goal of the match was because Sanogo was all over the shop and didn’t know what to do with the ball and kind of accidentally hooked it into the path of Sanchez.

I hate being a Wenger basher, what with everything he has done for the club, but compared to the innovative breath of fresh air that Mr Wenger was when he arrived at Arsenal, he is a mere shadow of that man. Alex Ferguson was set back by Wenger when the the man from Alsace arrived, but in time, the Scotsman worked him out. That’s what great managers do, they continue to learn and adapt, Wenger still seems to believe in his initial philosophy, when the game has moved on leaps and bounds without him.

A suggestion could be, that if the club doesn’t like spunking huge sums of cash on players, maybe we should start investing more in the youth academy? Having top of the range gym equipment and the best facilities in the land does not mean your kids are any better at football than they are at other clubs. Maybe we could take a long hard look at clubs like Southampton and figure out how year after year they nurture and grow such talented footballers,but then again, why do we need to learn to do that? They can do all the hard work and we’ll just nick them.